Hopelss Romantic

As of late, I've been listening to the song "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer on what seems like an endless loop. I LOVE LOVE. I'm such a hopeless romantic. I watch TV and would die for that best friend relationship with some girl I've known for years and end up marrying her and living happily ever after, in a more realistic way. Yet, I'm 19, single and have been that way for 19 years. I've had lost loves. One's that just haven't loved me back, and I guess they weren't right, and I'm totally ok with that. The only thing bothering me is that I look around the campus, and I'm alway's seeing couples, holding hands, EVERYWHERE. I want that so bad. I'm a not so talented writer, not great and developing characters on the page, but I love to write these relationships about best friends that end up falling in love. I also love all the old sit-coms wit relationships like, Kevin and Winnie, Cory and Topanga, Jim and Pam, ect. All I want is love, someone to love and love back. I want that relationship like on the TV screen, I want the best friend that I marry. I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm guessing I'm not the only one, maybe the only guy. What I really love, my favorite moment in any best friend, true love relationship is the kiss, you know what I'm talking about. It's the first kiss, the moment when they realize they were meant for each other, It's when those years of friendship turn into something more. I want that kiss. I'm 19 and still never had a real kiss. I now realize I'm just complaining and ranting, and I know God's time is alway's right, but waiting is exhausting. I'm a point where I'm ready for the fireworks. I could ignore all the happy couples in Jr. High and High School, but college is different. I'm older and more mature. I love the idea of the happiness a relationship brings you.It's late and  I have to wake up early, sort of. well, goodnight readers.

Judgment day

hey, a quick thought. I was listening to Casting crowns "stain glass masquerade" when a question popped into my head. "who is the first to judge". I was thinking about the song and how it's talking about how everyone wears a mask to be more excepted. I then thought about when is the time people start wearing masks. When do people start caring about what people think. In kindergarden and first grade it doesn't seem to matter. then second and third I remember getting more self conscious. I'm pretty sure people start pretending around fourth grade. It's sad it's so young that were taught to "fit in". Would an ultimate universe be one with no judgment. What if everyone lived in peace were you could do anything you wanted without having thoughts from others about you. Would that then get rid of a moral code. isn't a moral code based on what you JUDGE as good and bad. Instead of creating a utopia, it would distort the very world we live in. Or would we figure a way to work with it. Maybe it's hard for us to imagine because it's all we lived with. You've been judged from people from the day you were born. "your baby is beautiful" or "what misbehaved baby". You've been judged and have judged others from what I personally assume is early elementary school. The mere act of judging is what probably made yours and mine Jr. High, and High school years so horrible. well, I thought I might but this thought out there. What do you think?

It's better to be loved and lost then to never have loved at all, or is it?

I previously posted a post about this same topic but due to some technological complications I accedently deleted it. That post at the end ended up agreeing with that phrase. But, I've been thinking lately and I don't agree anymore with my previous thoughts. I know that this famous quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson, from his poem "In Memoriam". is well famous and taken as fact and I personally have only experienced love and then loss of that love once and am still measurable to this day. I don't dwell on it, but I don't feel I'm better coming out of this experience then I was going in to it. Just writing this makes my stomach turn. Though the love I had was lost, I haven't stopped loving. I still love her. Though what might be making it more difficult is that were still friends. maybe it's like getting a knife stuck in your heart and letting the heart heal around the knife instead of removing the knife. but, I want to keep the knife in there. I've gotten use to the knife in my life even if I stopped feeling it for a while. I'm starting to feel the knife again and it herts, but I so desperately want to keep the knife in there. and by saying that, mean I haven't really been communicating with her since I got rejected after I told her. but, now we are, and I think we will, and I want to because I still love her but I don't know if it's good for me. any way to sum it all up I personally don't think it's better to love and lost then to have never have loved at all.

The One

wow two in one night, that's a record anyway, as I was finishing up my last one I was looking at my blog and I was thinking about a post I put on face book, about counting down the days till college and how once I'm there I want to meet my soul mate. My parents met in college and I have always loved those kinds of romances. I know it's unlikely, but sometimes I like to hope. I was watching "500 days of summer" the movie, which is actually a movie I dislike greatly, only because of the ending, anyway I was mainly concentrating on the actually happy and positive parts in their relationship, and I loved that. I liked when they went to "IKEA" and played house in all the different set-ups in the store, like the kitchen and the living room. Oh, and I loved the part were the guy has just fallen in love and it turns into the big musical number to the song "You make my dreams come true" and everyone gets involved and it's happy and unrealistically wonderful. I love that, I want that in a relationship. someone commented on the post on Facebook and said that me wanting to find my soul mate was cute, which I get that, but I didn't do it to be cute, I did cause it's true. when someone says cute, well, cute is what you say to a five year old when they say they want to be president, or a princess. I don't know that just how I see it. so I hope theirs "the one" out there for me, and maybe she will be on campus or maybe I'll meet her when I'm forty.

-Thank you for reading Something Jason

Long Time Since ...

I think it would be cool to write a book, or a TV show, or a movie, like the screenplay, and then direct the movie. I have an I sea for a TV show, and I wrote the Bible for the Tv show, but when I tried to write the Pilot episode I fell flat. I didn't know how my characters talked, what they sounded like, how good their vocabulary was. I wan't to try again but I don't know, I already have the bible I'll write the pilot latter. I had idea for a movie, and the Idea is about my life. Tonight we had a celebration for me going off to college and on the way home I was asking about my birth. for example the day of the birth it was like to hold your baby as you were caring him down to the ICU. I asked about the nurses that helped, and I asked about what my older siblings were going through or more like, what they were thinking and how they reacted to the birth. my mom and dad where telling me how my older brother was so excited about sharing a room with his little brother, and how blissfully unaware how sick I was, but he was only four. My older sisters were more aware about what was going on, them being eight and nine. My oldest sister has always been wise beyond her years. I always said that she acted forty when she was only just starting college. anyway I have always wanted to ask her, her being the most aware of the situations at hand at the time, what she was thinking when she found out about me, and what she was feeling the day she met her baby brother for the first and probably last time, as far as she knew. I was more curious about her reaction because she was the most aware. even though she was only nine at the time, knowing her she was probably acting about thirteen. the younger of my two older sister often tells me how after she met me at the hospital she went back to school wearing the mask, and playing it off like she forgot that it was on the whole time cause she wanted to show her awesome mask off to her other class mates. that still brings me a smile. well, it's getting late, I better get going.

-Thanks for reading Something Jason

What has Glee done

hello followers,

I know I havent posted since the new year, Happy 2011, but I just had an interesting realization. For those wo watch "glee", you see that they do episodes focusing on different artists, why in the last season they did episodes focusing on Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber. Now notice that after they had made their mark on this popular TV show, their carer's have been forcefully draged out of the spot light by their hair. You don't see them on magazine covers or talked about in the schools. They have also been replaced by some other artists such as Katy Perry and (unfortunately) Rebecca Black, an added plus to her parents four thousand dollar gift. so will others realize this fact? do you think it is a fact at all? could Glee just be catching the artists before their eminent down fall? or do they bring upon themselves? You decide.

Growing Up or more the absence of Growing Up

All my life I never really felt grown up. Here I am going in to my senior year of high school and I've never felt grown up. It was like I was playing dress up when I was eight, though instead of being a firefighter or a Doctor I'd be a 6th grader then an 8th grader, and so on, but no matter what I wore, I was still just an eight year old in a costume. I've always felt people talked down to me, some times more blunt and other times not so noticeable, like a ten year old being told that their parents are getting a divorce. The parent is trying to get the child to understand and approaching it as if they were talking to someone of an older age, hoping they would handle it in the way of someone of an older age, though no matter how it was approached they were still just a child. I was born with a condition called hypo-plastic left heart syndrome. This condition caused me to be in and out of the hospital a fair amount for the fist four years of my life. This effected me in a way that would cause difficulties in my latter life. Because I was in the hospital for those three years I was not developing certain social cues and tendencies that other toddlers did. this in the end caused me to be less mature then most of my class mates on a social level and now makes it difficult to socialize with people my age or slightly older.

First Post

Hey, uh, viewer's, if any

Firsts are not fun 80% of the time. there sort of awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes exciting but mostly, well, new. Your not confident and you don't think you should be doing it, because you wont fit in to the others or whatever. For example my first birthday party, oh the misery. frankly this was not my first, my first party I ever went to was probably my baby shower while I was in my mom's whom. I was nervous, I didn't know if my gift was good there were all these people I didn't know, I cried, I didn't want to go, and I wasn't concerned about how the birthday person felt, I was Eight. So, I got there with my present in my hand, the wrapping paper was crinkling from the moister from my sweaty hands ( frankly I probably didn't know what the present was anyway, my mom got it). The birthday person greets me at the door, I am probably the seventh eighth ninth person to arrive, so there tired of greeting and just want to get to the party. My mom whispers in to my ear "tell him/her happy birthday"(I can't remember if it was a girl or a boy). I tell them happy birthday under my breath, there mom tells me to set my gift on the table, and go in to the other room. I set my gift on the table and slowly approach the other room. I hear laughing and talking from around the corner, as soon as I get there I go off to the side and not interact with anyone, I would not let myself say something stupid. I got half way through the party got sad from being away from my mom and went home early. I have always hated going to birthday parties since (A sad thing was, was that I wasn't even wanted there, there mom's made them invite me).

OK, I told my story. here's a little about me

Hair Color: dark brown, Everyone says its black, I've died my hair black for king and I it was way different.

Eyes Color: mostly blue, that's what I say when I am asked, but I have heard they are green before, and when I look it to the mirror, depending on what I am wearing, they look gray ( how boring is that)

Height: 5'7" - 5'8"

weight: Women don't get asked or say it, why should men

Age: 17 for now, I am getting older by the Milli-second

Random fact: When I was younger, I thought the big stalls in the bathroom were like luxury stalls, and where for king, queens, presidents, and prime ministers when they came to visit places.

interesting fact: I was born with hypo-plastic left heart syndrome, and had a 15% chance of living, when I was born. I have a pacemaker- but it is diagonal from my heart which is not normal.

Fact: I am a horrible speller, but, it wont matter here because spell check fixes mistakes for me

Top Interest: Musical Theater

Other Interests: Architecture, and well every other type of design

Favorite Music: Show Tunes - Music from Musicals

Favorite Quote: "Some people are like Slinky's, there good for nothing but you can't help but smile when they fall down the stairs"

2nd random fact: If my wife was having a baby and I didn't know it's gender, I would paint it's room purple because I think it is a neutral gender color.

Favorite Musical: Into the Woods

Favorite Modern Musical: Broadway's Mary Poppins

Interesting Facts: I don't like most main stream sports. I like more like dace, gymnastics, bowling ( I rock bowling on Wii) and appreciate other odd not common sports.

favorite drink: Milk, but I am a singer so it doesn't really work out, this is because milk is bad for your vocal cords, so I can only have milk on days I don't have to sing

favorite random thing to say: Purple Monkey's

I hope you enjoyed my first post on my first blog ever, I really hope I did not fail, thank you for reading

- Jason Square